Only One Heart

Once, my feeling was played. It broke so badly.

My heart might healed, but a cut left a mark.

Rejection is my biggest fear.

Boys are my friends, but I've always escape from being a lover to them.

I got accepted once and got rejected once by the same man who finally said "You're just like my sister." when he was actually the first one who wrote to me saying he likes me, love me. I replied his letters more than six times with hope. It crushed when he finally replied me saying I'm just like a sister to him.

How a guy can play around with a lady's heart. Don't they know that it's fragile like a quote/note we used to see at supermarket at the glasses department, "once it broke, consider sold." A woman have only one heart. Just one..

One rejection makes me reject every each of proposal. Why?
Because I'm in fear. That feelings are freshly stay like it was yesterday.
I'm afraid to have a new person entering my life and lose them.
I'm just not ready.

Now, how am I going to leave my trust to a man? I can't.

Only able to leave this matter to God since he's the only man I believe, trust and hope.

p/s:  A message to guys,
        Don't play with a heart.

Marine and Ordinary (LDR)

Pic source: Lady in a Garden Artwork by Edmund Blair Leighton Oil Painting & Art Prints on canvas

I'll be waiting,

At the balcony full of tense,

Till you come back from hunting,

Then, I'll make it sense.

I'll be there behind those letters,

Writing, reading and humming.

What hope, you left me bitter,

Till the day I see you coming.

When you're finally here,

Don't lend me your shoulder. 

Just listen to the music of tears,

Until you realize I'm crying within the border. 

When you listen to this song,

Know that I'm someone's belong..

(ShaDe, 2015)

I want a job. (Theatre Production)

How I miss our production! I just can't believe how far I left that world. It's no fun at all right now learning all those theories. Now I realise that I have to do something that makes me satisfy. And the only thing that gives me satisfaction is THEATRE!
Anyone, hire me! I'll be the best servant you people will never had in this world!

Kesenian ke Kuguruan

         Pengalaman Berasaskan Sekolah (PBS) dilakukan di sekolah rendah saya saya sendiri iaitu SK Bobak/Sejinjang Bau. Mengapa saya memilih sekolah tu? Sebab saya membesar selama 6 tahun di sana. Jadi, sebagai alumni mestilah saya nak berbakti sikit kat sekolah tu. Walaupun hanya seminggu, tetapi saya tetap berasa puas hati kerana dapat bekerjasama dengan guru-guru yang pernah mendidik saya dahulu. Apa yang best adalah mereka semua sangat peramah dan mesra serta mudah memberi kerjasama! Itu membuatkan saya berasa sangat selesa menjalankan program PBS. Kalau boleh nak extend lagi PBS tu sebab enjoy sangat-sangat.

         Apa yang lagi menarik adalah murid-murid yang comel belaka. Ada yang gendut, ada yang kurus, ada yang murai, ada juga yang pemalu. Personaliti mereka tu masing-masing menjadi pelengkap sesama sendiri untuk mencipta memori. Sejujur-jujurnya, saya rindu sangat-sangat zaman persekolahan saya dahulu sewaktu sekolah rendah. Mereka tak kisah apa yang berlaku. Adalah krisis, gaduh-gaduh, tapi tu semua hanya sementara. Apa yang diorang tahu cuma happy-go-lucky. Tak ada yang nak fikir macam-macam, stress atau masalah macam kita yang dah dewasa ni. 

          "Selamat Pagi, Cikgu!!!" Dengan ceria mereka memberi salam walaupan belum sempat saya menghabiskan satu langkah. Biasalah kan, kanak-kanak. Mereka sukakan guru baru. Apapun, saya bersyukur apabila saya sedar secara official menerima ucapan pertama dari murid-murid. 

Secara perlahan, minat saya untuk menjadi seorang pendidik semakin membuak-buak. Tak sabar rasanya.

Dari merangkak sehingga berjalan, 

Jasamu guru takkan ku lupakan,

Walaupun dah beralih ke bidang keguruan, 

Takkan ku lupa bidang kesenian, 

Mengajar saya erti kehidupan, 

Sedarkan saya untuk membina masa depan.

Salam Senimanku.

Philophobia

           I never knew that pushing an important part of a grown girl's life would makes me such a loner. Being single actually is great but that greatness can drown in just a little of thought when the jealousy came and waiting for a comfort chest.

          The feeling of being lonely can hurt a girl so much. It's painful and can't be expressed by words nor looks. It's the matter of heart. The matter of loves.

Now, the game had just started. The new chapter had just been written and it's the time to grab the chance.

ALL THE BEST, ShaDe... 

Never Regret Meeting Them...

It has been a very long time I didn't share anything. Sorry, but it's a busy life here at teacher's institute. Anyway, here I would like to share something that I miss so much since I left my high school. Ok, here...

Look, they're best friend ever! Forever and ever.. I miss them so much.. Not to forget, I'm the one in the black suit. Nur Nabilah or well-known as Alai is a Melanau. She's as cute as a pie with a cute height and has fair skin. Laugh, laugh and laugh!! Her duty is laughing... But, believe me that she's so responsible and neat in every job that she did. That's why in any production, she'll be the secretary. I miss her so much, to tease her, to play and to work with this little girl.

      Next, that cutie in grey blouse is Ivy Stephenie from Lundu and she's Bidayuh. Just like me. Though we came from the same race, but we speak 3 languages at a time. English, Melayu S'wak and of course Bidayuh. Mathematics is her brain since she plays logically with numbers. Moreover, she rather teach people than finish her homework. Awesome huh?!!That's what makes me love her so much. She's kind but fierce. Oh yea, she's an otaku. Crazily loves anime and can understand and speak Japanese. 

      I miss them both so much and wish they were here. Time separate us and none of us make to the same university. Ivy is at UPSI, Alai manage entering UM and I'm at IPG. But we keep in touch and have some plan to meet some day. Hope to see the soon! 

       See? How friends affect our life? Sometimes we cry because we can't see their face. We play with some new friends and sometimes they appear in our mind. There's a time we regret in something undone. Anyway, they're my best friend and I 'll keep them in my heart.. Love you friends.. <3 

p/s: Actually there's a lot of friends I wanna tell but only manage to share about them. 

Muzikal Santubong: Kasih Yang Tak Kesampaian (Produksi SPM 2012)