Breathe, Breathe

 

Breathe, breathe,

Behold up to the sky and see the birds swaying in the air,

 Catch the sight of the dead leaves; descended obeying the gravity.

Listen to the wind collided on each other and bump unto your lifeless body,

See the flowers blossom with colours and happiness.

Feel the sun cuddled your skin with its warm embrace,

Close your eyes and see the beauty in your mind.

 

Breathe, breathe,

Set your foot onto the ground and move a step ahead,

Renounce the bitter past that squeezed your existence since 2008.

Conceal the twelve years of the ghastly chapter with a new canvas.

Grab the brush and dance with the colours of your choice.

Hang it on the barricade and be the evidence of your lifted spirit.

Let go of the emptiness and start breaking the wall of obscurity.

 

Breathe the air of contentment, smell the scent of delight,

Feel the light of ecstasy and taste the words of joy.

Grieve no more. Endure no more.

It is your number. It is time to perform and sparkle.

Tell your soul that everything will be all right.

It will be all right.

By Sam Delilah

©shadeylight.blogspot.com

ShaDe: I Am Number Four

I grew up without a person to talk to.

My secrets stay with me. 

There's no one to turn to when my mind was filled with so much painful thought.

Everyday, I walk with stronger feet. 

Hoping that all burden will be washed away. 

And my mind would be free from those lousy screaming.

There's always a time when I feel the need to have a confidante.

To speak all the words that has been trapped under this throat. 

A shoulder to cry on, 

Hands to wipe every drop of my tears,

An advice that makes me smile, 

And be happy for a while. 

I've been looking for a way to stop feeling sorry for myself. 

But I end up crying in my sleep.

So I took a simple leap,

Running and jumping on my hip.

Avoiding all those flips.

I'm still here, alive.

Standing and making decisions on my own,

Escaping from all the lighted path that I need.

Jealous, is a word I could hear from my tongue.

I am jealous of the hugs they gave to the dogs and puppies 

While my heart is full of cuts.

I am jealous of the chokers they put on the kitties necks 

While I'm wearing all these invisible bruises.

These running blood means nothing.

And being a number four is so tiring.

©shadelight.blogspot.com (2020)

ShaDe: Unfavorable Weekend

Friday night got me an unending illusion,

You and me drinking wine on the bed of roses. 

Saturday is when the flowers aren't blooming,

Without you the cups are empty and the plates are tidy. 

On Sunday, it's a lonely sign and a gloomy bow.

I talked to God. 

Why does this hurt me so much?

And the weekend goes over and over again

Without me moving on.

©shadeylight.blogspot.com

If Only Laptop Has High Quality Camera

Hello lovely humans. Welcome to my blog. Thanks for coming by. Today, I had just witness  the most poor camera in this era. I tested my laptop's camera to see if it is still relevant in this era of technology. I had been looking for a laptop with good camera in stores, but I can't find one. I even googled them. Zero. 

So today, I would like to share about this thing because I feel like it is a need in today's era. For your information, I am using ASUS X452CP. My laptop is now six years old, old enough to be registered at preschool (if it is human).

Before any further, let me talk about this camera right now. I can see that it is a very low quality camera. I can say the resolution is very poor since I can't even see my pores (good for me but still bad for the presentation). A good camera shows my pores perfectly. Come on, pores need some spotlight too. I can see that the video produced is really dark. Very different compare to our smartphone. Luckily my nostrils are still win even in this low resolution.

Here I would like to share the advantages if we have a high quality camera on our laptop:

1.  With good camera on PC, we don't need to transfer video from our camera or smartphone. This could save us some times and workload. Because sometimes when we are transferring 4k videos, it would take so much time and we have to wait until it is done before start editing. Hello, I shoot videos for quite a long time, now I have to wait to edit it? I hate it.
2. Next is when we record ourselves, we would like to see our reflection to make sure we have the right angle, perfect flawless makeup and make sure everything is at the right place. Imagine reviewing products using laptop's camera. Just wow!
3. Move on to number 3, with on screen recording where we can position ourselves correctly, it will be easier for us to imagine where to put texts or stickers or maybe gif on the screen because we have the exact size of our video on the PC. Ain't it great. 
4. Next, instead of looking at our piece of notes, we can refer to our main points on  screen easily. This could be one of the benefit for the person who need a quick video presentation without practicing too much on the point. Plus, the presentation will be much more smoother. Been there, done that. I was a student, now I'm a teacher but I am still struggling with the same s***.

So, to the developer out there, instead of focusing too much on smartphone's camera, why don't you start focusing on PC's camera? I think it will be worth it and I would like to have one. In my experience, students need to choose between a PC and smartphone because we don't have so much money to have both at one. For me, if PC have good quality camera, I will choose it since we make a lot of videos.

That's all the points that I can think of. If you are agree with me, give me a thumbs up and subscribe to my blog. If you have any comment or suggestions about this topic, do comment below coz I would like to know more about it.

That's all from me today. See you in the next writing. 

ShaDe: I Miss You

I miss the face I used to find in the middle of the crowd,

Video calls for two hours every night.
The sleepy face beyond the screen that I can barely touched.

I long for the fingers, smoothly running through my face,

The touched that killed my fears,
The one that held my hand so grip as a promise to never let it go.

How can I forget, the voice that caused my butterfly,
The sweet, mad and silence melody it ever played,
Sounded like a music for every background songs in our story.

How can I miss,

The eyes that stared me with shine.

Scanning my soul between the trees,
Saw the beautiful side of me when I'm at my grimmiest.

We breathed the same air, we walked the same earth.
But with you by my side, everything felt like a paradise.

I wish I could write this letter with 'is' and 'are', 'do' and 'have' or  'you and I'.
But every sentence keep coming with 'was' and 'were', 'did' and 'had',
Just without 'you and I'.

The only present tense that came between us now is 'I miss you'.

ShaDe: White Rose Garden

I remembered the first smile you sent me, my heart said something I never heard of,
My heart beats a fluctuate rhythm.
My mind asked what was the red swans doing in my head?

You called my name, I saw flowers along the path I'm heading.
I asked the brain if this is just something that we could calculate and get the answer.
Still, IQ of 200 did not work on this matter.

I walked towards you, and I saw roses. Red and white roses.
You gave me your hand and I held it.
Suddenly, we were trapped in a garden full of beautiful roses.
But being a woman, I only saw the beauty but not the thorns.
This heart was not aware that the garden it went to was not sweet all along.

The roses that I saw was not red at all. They're white. White bleeding roses.
That was when I saw the thorns.
I tried to touch them but I got flicked at the end of my pointy fingers.
I tried to hide my feelings, honestly I was scared.
You said it was alright and I believed.

365 days had passed, the bloody roses started to fade away showing the pure white flower.
We both know it wasn't enough for us to learn about each other yet.
So we decided to stay in the garden.
We both started to love each other so deep.
Too deep, I moved on from a thorn to another thorn.
From a scar to another scars.
Nothing matter but you.

Another year went on, kissing was our language.
We believed this world was our everything.
Bees came harvested our sweet stories.
Lovebird only knows happiness and beautiful touches.
Although the blood wasn't there, the thorns were still not leaving.
We made mistakes, hurting and forgave each other.
Yes, there once was forgiveness in our series.

Third year came around, white roses turned red. Again. This time, it came with flame.
We did not know how it happened so we blind ourselves with lies.
The whole garden was on fire but you said it was alright.
We stand on our feet watching each other in the blazing day, in a blazing way.
We tried to save each other but the surrounding was too hard to deal with.

After a while, we look around.
The fire vanished but the smokes was still there poking into our eyes and noses.
We were standing in the garden full of dead roses.
We knelt, silence and tears came between us.
We asked ourselves how did it happened?
The answer knocked with a 'too-late' news.

There was a time when we need each other but chose to ignore.
There was a time where the shoulders was filled with burden but chose to seal it.
There was a time where you and I disappoint each other but chose to let ego in.
There was a time when we realized the broken feelings could be fixed, but we let it grew.
And there was a time where we realized, we almost had everything but chose to turn away.

Behind every kiss, behind every touch, behind every 'I love you',
Was actually expressed by lust yet we believed it was love.
Since the love that we built was so bland,
It will forever rest as a memory in my very personal heart.

P/s: I still love you.

copyright Sharmira Delilah Anak Budit

Comeback Señorita

It has been a while since I haven't post anything on my blog. My life has been so great. I still remember one of my post about how my future will look like in five years ahead. Four things lingered in my mind which is homeless, graduating or married to royal and one more thing I can't remember. Hahaha.. Married to royal is really dumb of me to ever dream on it. But things are never impossible. We saw Kate Middleton is now married to Prince William. They had three children together and their marriage is still blooming. Next, we can see Meghan Markle married Prince Harry (my love ahahhahaha). Nothing is impossible since I am not a married woman yet. 

Now back to the four things I imagined about five years ago. Now is the day I can elaborate about the progress. I graduated a year ago after five years journey at a teacher's institute. I got posted on January 2019 after unemployed for six months (being unemployed is really great and bored at the same time, which I will share about in my next post), working under the Ministry of Education as a primary school's teacher. I can say that I am having a great time with my colleague and students. For now... 

Talking about married a royal, I actually found a prince. Prince of my heart. <3 We have been in love for four years now. I know it is a great news which I should share here on my blog but I didn't since I rarely update my blog for a really long time. His name is Josh and guess what?? He's from the same neighborhood. We live watching each other grows up but never really had a chance to say hi. Then, one day on a Christmas morning, magic happens. Bam! We're couple. Hahaha.. Things were really great between us. 

He has been an amazing boyfriend to me. I believe that he is the one for me. Really, because of the way he treats me, the way he look at me is really promising. 

That's all for the comeback. I am going to write so many things about the things where I left. Love Life, Studies, Graduate, Unemployed, Interviews, and Work.  I am sure that things are going to be worth the read.

Mi Madre & Mi Padre

"Family is not an important thing. It's everything." -Michael J. Fox-

          Yes, they're not an important thing but they're everything to me. I am so grateful for being born into this family which is full of love and less hatred among us. Since they're everything, I should show them to the world about how great they can be to me. I bet the same thing goes to you guys too. 

 

          There you go. Parent's wedding picture. It's an old picture yet memorable. This was the beginning of our happy family. Her name is Maria Deta and we call her mama with 'k' and his name is Budit Elui. Mom is a Land Dayak(Bidayuh) and daddy is a Sea Dayak (Iban). Once, there's a tale saying that Bidayuh and Iban were enemy. Ibanese will slaught Bidayuh people if they met each other. But now, they even marry each other! It's not only them, but there are more mix couple that live happily until today. What makes it great is my daddy is a son to an Iban warrior which trained some enemy's heads long time ago when Sarawak still in the state of colonize. (Sarawak Ranger) 

         My father is a very hardworking man since he has always been praised by his employer due to his neat job and never cheat. Although he seldom do chores at home, we do understand how tired he is once he got back from working. Since he had so many daughters, why would he bother doing it, right? Haha.. Next, he's a strict man and hardly talk to us about our life. That's one of the negative part of him but never mind. That's the reason why we grown into non-social buddies. He helped us for other things like giving us expenses, buying our stuff and send us to colleges. What's great about him is, he never getting old! Still the man from this picture!

        Alright, here I go talking about the most 'kind' mother in this world. Why I said that? Here's the reason:

1) Never shout, never yell but unlike my dad, she always curse.

2) Simply give us money and buy us something unexpected.

3) Sometimes annoying because she never reply our questions gracefully.

4) Trademark answer: 'hmm..'

5) JUST TOO KIND!!!

Haha... that's some of the reason but honestly speaking. She's just too kind and I can't help with that. She can't oppose some of her children's  request. Sometimes, she give up to herself for people's sake. She rather have nothing than watching other's craving for something. She spend her money on everyone. She love helping people and take good care of other's feeling. That's my mom. She's too kind. I love her for that but at some point, I can't accept. And one last thing, she makes a perfect role of a mother and I can't express  that through words but heart.

    Love them so much. I wish time goes by slowly because I don't wanna get older. When I'm getting older, meaning that they're older too. I don't wanna lose them. One thing I used to pray for is to let me go first before them. <3

     

Only One Heart

Once, my feeling was played. It broke so badly.

My heart might healed, but a cut left a mark.

Rejection is my biggest fear.

Boys are my friends, but I've always escape from being a lover to them.

I got accepted once and got rejected once by the same man who finally said "You're just like my sister." when he was actually the first one who wrote to me saying he likes me, love me. I replied his letters more than six times with hope. It crushed when he finally replied me saying I'm just like a sister to him.

How a guy can play around with a lady's heart. Don't they know that it's fragile like a quote/note we used to see at supermarket at the glasses department, "once it broke, consider sold." A woman have only one heart. Just one..

One rejection makes me reject every each of proposal. Why?
Because I'm in fear. That feelings are freshly stay like it was yesterday.
I'm afraid to have a new person entering my life and lose them.
I'm just not ready.

Now, how am I going to leave my trust to a man? I can't.

Only able to leave this matter to God since he's the only man I believe, trust and hope.

p/s:  A message to guys,
        Don't play with a heart.

Marine and Ordinary (LDR)

Pic source: Lady in a Garden Artwork by Edmund Blair Leighton Oil Painting & Art Prints on canvas

I'll be waiting,

At the balcony full of tense,

Till you come back from hunting,

Then, I'll make it sense.

I'll be there behind those letters,

Writing, reading and humming.

What hope, you left me bitter,

Till the day I see you coming.

When you're finally here,

Don't lend me your shoulder. 

Just listen to the music of tears,

Until you realize I'm crying within the border. 

When you listen to this song,

Know that I'm someone's belong..

(ShaDe, 2015)

I want a job. (Theatre Production)

How I miss our production! I just can't believe how far I left that world. It's no fun at all right now learning all those theories. Now I realise that I have to do something that makes me satisfy. And the only thing that gives me satisfaction is THEATRE!
Anyone, hire me! I'll be the best servant you people will never had in this world!

Kesenian ke Kuguruan

         Pengalaman Berasaskan Sekolah (PBS) dilakukan di sekolah rendah saya saya sendiri iaitu SK Bobak/Sejinjang Bau. Mengapa saya memilih sekolah tu? Sebab saya membesar selama 6 tahun di sana. Jadi, sebagai alumni mestilah saya nak berbakti sikit kat sekolah tu. Walaupun hanya seminggu, tetapi saya tetap berasa puas hati kerana dapat bekerjasama dengan guru-guru yang pernah mendidik saya dahulu. Apa yang best adalah mereka semua sangat peramah dan mesra serta mudah memberi kerjasama! Itu membuatkan saya berasa sangat selesa menjalankan program PBS. Kalau boleh nak extend lagi PBS tu sebab enjoy sangat-sangat.

         Apa yang lagi menarik adalah murid-murid yang comel belaka. Ada yang gendut, ada yang kurus, ada yang murai, ada juga yang pemalu. Personaliti mereka tu masing-masing menjadi pelengkap sesama sendiri untuk mencipta memori. Sejujur-jujurnya, saya rindu sangat-sangat zaman persekolahan saya dahulu sewaktu sekolah rendah. Mereka tak kisah apa yang berlaku. Adalah krisis, gaduh-gaduh, tapi tu semua hanya sementara. Apa yang diorang tahu cuma happy-go-lucky. Tak ada yang nak fikir macam-macam, stress atau masalah macam kita yang dah dewasa ni. 

          "Selamat Pagi, Cikgu!!!" Dengan ceria mereka memberi salam walaupan belum sempat saya menghabiskan satu langkah. Biasalah kan, kanak-kanak. Mereka sukakan guru baru. Apapun, saya bersyukur apabila saya sedar secara official menerima ucapan pertama dari murid-murid. 

Secara perlahan, minat saya untuk menjadi seorang pendidik semakin membuak-buak. Tak sabar rasanya.

Dari merangkak sehingga berjalan, 

Jasamu guru takkan ku lupakan,

Walaupun dah beralih ke bidang keguruan, 

Takkan ku lupa bidang kesenian, 

Mengajar saya erti kehidupan, 

Sedarkan saya untuk membina masa depan.

Salam Senimanku.

Philophobia

           I never knew that pushing an important part of a grown girl's life would makes me such a loner. Being single actually is great but that greatness can drown in just a little of thought when the jealousy came and waiting for a comfort chest.

          The feeling of being lonely can hurt a girl so much. It's painful and can't be expressed by words nor looks. It's the matter of heart. The matter of loves.

Now, the game had just started. The new chapter had just been written and it's the time to grab the chance.

ALL THE BEST, ShaDe... 

Never Regret Meeting Them...

It has been a very long time I didn't share anything. Sorry, but it's a busy life here at teacher's institute. Anyway, here I would like to share something that I miss so much since I left my high school. Ok, here...

Look, they're best friend ever! Forever and ever.. I miss them so much.. Not to forget, I'm the one in the black suit. Nur Nabilah or well-known as Alai is a Melanau. She's as cute as a pie with a cute height and has fair skin. Laugh, laugh and laugh!! Her duty is laughing... But, believe me that she's so responsible and neat in every job that she did. That's why in any production, she'll be the secretary. I miss her so much, to tease her, to play and to work with this little girl.

      Next, that cutie in grey blouse is Ivy Stephenie from Lundu and she's Bidayuh. Just like me. Though we came from the same race, but we speak 3 languages at a time. English, Melayu S'wak and of course Bidayuh. Mathematics is her brain since she plays logically with numbers. Moreover, she rather teach people than finish her homework. Awesome huh?!!That's what makes me love her so much. She's kind but fierce. Oh yea, she's an otaku. Crazily loves anime and can understand and speak Japanese. 

      I miss them both so much and wish they were here. Time separate us and none of us make to the same university. Ivy is at UPSI, Alai manage entering UM and I'm at IPG. But we keep in touch and have some plan to meet some day. Hope to see the soon! 

       See? How friends affect our life? Sometimes we cry because we can't see their face. We play with some new friends and sometimes they appear in our mind. There's a time we regret in something undone. Anyway, they're my best friend and I 'll keep them in my heart.. Love you friends.. <3 

p/s: Actually there's a lot of friends I wanna tell but only manage to share about them. 

Muzikal Santubong: Kasih Yang Tak Kesampaian (Produksi SPM 2012)

Muzikal Santubong: Kasih yang tak kesampaian

Watch our theatre production here at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpLK8SycqOo. By 17 years old student from Malaysian Art School of Kuching, Sarawak.

SONNET OF A YOUNG LOVER

"Yes, he was my foe.
He bled my skin with his sword, spitting onto my father's kingdom.
But that enemy of my king,
is the man I've fallen with.

I left everything behind,
for the love I've found.
My respect and the loyalty towards the king,
gone dull.

I'm a useless princess that hold a big responsibility,
and defend none of it.
My people were upset for their only princess,
Lost by the love of a man.

I shall lost my pride by humiliate the throne awaiting in front."

     Who knows that Music will play its role in my life.. Before that, let me talk about my family's background in music world. Most of my family members are musicians including my late grandfather. He played a viola and lead guitar. Then, one of my uncle took music as his minor at Liverpool once and bought one harmonica and he can plays guitar very well with his Liquid Sky band. Another person is my youngest uncle who can play bass like an expert. They created songs whenever they're free. My mom, aunties, and cousins play guitars with my youngest sister learning piano with ABRSM (Grade 2). 

    And me? Haha... I have the basic of playing piano and guitar but lack of theory. Honestly speaking, music theory is the most hatred to me. I dislike the theory and now I'm learning it. 

    Anyway, I'll try to continue my late grandfather's talent which is viola. It must be very interesting. So, good luck to myself! 

Lighting Plot

                                          Designer: Sharmira Delilah ak Budit under her theatre's teacher, Mr Suffian b. Hj. Jalet.

This lighting arrangement was used for 'Muzikal Santubong: Kasih yang tak Kesampaian' performed by SENIMANKU f.5/2012 (Sekolah Seni Malaysia Kuching) at University of Malaya on June 2012. The video will be uploaded soon.

I WONDER...

          On June 24th, I begin my new life at Institut Perguruan Tun Abdul Razak, Kota Samarahan. Before I know I was accepted to further my study there, I was on my way to register myself at UiTM Kota Samarahan for Dip. Sains. Become a teacher is the last thing or never exist in my mind. Owing to my parent's insistence, I obeyed their wish.
          So, I went to IPGKTAR with hope if I can find friends like I have before. I found them but I can feel that there's a piece of the puzzle lost. I can't identify which part it is. I'm thinking to myself "Am I torturing myself? So, I would like to have some words from anyone if I had made a good decision because there's a word I remember "Every tick have to be filled with unforgettable memories."
          Until now, I do feel great but like I said, there's something I can't dig. Lastly, I hope the piece will be found soon so I can live here without any doubt.